Kage_Touzoku's Xanga

Seize the Day - Avenged Sevenfold

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 20:22:35 GMT

~~Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost~~
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past

I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)

~~Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost~~
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here so where do we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)

~~Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost~~
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again?
Woooaaah, so I never want to leave you and the memories of us to see
I beg don't leave me

~~Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost~~
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day [x2 then continues in the background]
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 18:29:43 GMT

I think the best and scariest part about life is that people change. For me, it's the scariest part of my relationship. Why are people always changing? Is it an inevitability, like death? Why am I always changing? I feel that this new, unfamiliar me is ruining my relationship, and I don't know what I'll do if it ends. People always say that love is a commitment. Something fragile that you need to take care of. Like a treasures glass sphere. If you slip, it'll break. And there's not much chance you'll get it back. But it takes two people to take care of it. There's no relationship when there's only one person trying to take care of that love between them. I think it's something you have to think about everyday. I've been slipping too much and I want to get back up. But it's getting harder and harder. More and more I think about those first few months of sweet, innocent love. Filled with happiness and the fear of being separated. I remember laughing and crying. More and more I want that time back. When I was most happy. I think it's that first true love you never forget. That first taste of peace and happiness in your life.

Life, you're such a bitch...

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 20:49:28 GMT

Why?

1. My godfather died a few weeks ago, and it's still tearing me apart. I still cry at night.

2. I haven't had recuperative sleep in months. Sure, sleep. Not real, real good sleep that people really need. I've just been closing my eyes basically for the past few months.

3. I've totally given up binging like hell in an attempt to gain weight. (1) I'm getting sick and tired of being disappointed whenever I try to see if I've made progress, (2) something with my stomach is getting screwy, I can't eat as much without feeling sick, (3) I just want to eat whenever I want, whatever I want, (4) there's no real use in it anymore because I'm inherently like this, I have the body of my mother, and it's not going to change.

4. I've had emotional problems for a long time now. I think it's becoming a real super problem now.

I could punch someone in the face right now..

Thu, 31 May 2007 13:43:56 GMT

I know people aren't perfect, and that a lot of them suck, but everytime that fact is really blown up in my face, I get so upset I want to cry. After reading this entry, you might think that I'm a baby or something but this really questions my future plans and my moral principles.

Last period, we were playing football in gym. 5 of my friends and I were on one team and we were standing on one of the fields waiting for another team of 6. Yay, the cocky b*tches and f*ckers of our class come over in their own team of 6. We've played against them in basketball and we know we hate them. We don't even want to try anymore. Starts with my team on offense. I run out as soon as our QB has the ball and he throws it at me. The ball lands short, like 5 feet in front of me, and the cockiest guy on the other team is like "Don't throw it to her! She can't catch!" (honestly, I can be good at football if I really want to try). He's always been so cocky, I can't stand him. All I say to him is "Shut up." I'm sure that's called for, unlike the former statement. Then, in a later play, one of my friends runs into a person from the other team (which is kind of a BIG part of football). The only girl on the other team starts to be all bitchy and yells at my friends whenever they get anywhere near her to guard her (which is also a FREAKING BIG part of football). Then the girl starts talking shit like "You guys can't play." "You guys suck." "Don't f*cking touch me! I'll get my brother on you! Do you know who my brother is?!" "You guys are all faggots." And we dont' give a damn. Then one of the other cocky guys on the team starts telling the girl to hit me because I'm "talking shit". All I've ever said is "Shut the f*ck up." "What the hell is your problem?" Unlike her threats and insults. I just didn't want to play anymore.

I'm just trying to play as patiently as I can, wishing so badly that I can just hit her in the face and teach her a lesson about life. You can't just talk shit to everyone ALL THE TIME. Also thinking, as an attempt to make myself feel better, "She doesn't know what she's talking about. I can't wait until I'm a rich doctor and she's coming to my hospital for a liposuction. She has no idea what courtesy is. Calling everyone faggot is not going to get herself through life. She'll never make it through college, where at least people try to be civilized."

Then after class, she's in the locker room talking to a teacher. "Oh! We won 7-0! The other team didn't even play! We got all the good people on our team! They didn't even move." Right in front of me and my other girl friends that were on my team. I wanted to go over there and make a fool of her in front of the teacher. "We would've tried if you guys were actually mature. If calling us faggots and threatening to get your bro out on us is playing, then, yeah, you did a lot of f*cking playing, bitch." I wanted so much to say that. But I didn't. Now I really wish I did. Now I'm in my micro class, trying not to cry because these things always make me so upset. Or push me over the edge from all the other shit that's happening to me.

Why does this bother me so much? Because I want to go to medical school. But why should I go, then do research to help people when horrible people like that are out there. What if that girl needs a heart transplant in 20-30 years, and something I've developed was used to help her? What if my research is used to help cocky jocks everywhere? These questions probably sound hilarious but I'm really thinking of not bothering helping people. I want to so much, but everytime I see horrible people like that girl on the other football team, a part of me, sometimes a pretty big part of me, doesn't want to anymore, doesn't care anymore.

Why do people become doctors when shitty people like that exist?

It makes me afraid that I might turn into one of those people. But then it brings up the question that psychiatrists all over the world are researching. Is evil genetic, or contagious? Like original sin or something. Did Adam and Eve curse us forever by taking fruit from the tree of knowledge after being tempted by the devil? Or is it just in our genes? It makes me question myself and scares me. I don't want to be mean but it's a pretty common saying that you have to be mean (to a certain level) to get through life. It's a "dog eat dog world". Whatever. I don't believe you have to be mean to become a successful senator or a famous businessman. You can't be mean if you want to become a doctor. But you're going to end up dealing with, or even helping, the mean people, which is something a big part of me wants to do.

AHHHH!!!!

Wed, 30 May 2007 14:11:33 GMT

Next year, I have a choice of 2 school-related trips for my spring break:

1. Hawaii: Robotics competition, 3 days but we're planning to stay for a lot longer for site-seeing and crap. Nice and warm, beautiful islands. Parents might be coming. Approx. $1,000.

2. Paris-Madrid: A few days in Paris, and then a few days in Madrid. 2-in-1 package. Beautiful cities, Louvre, FRANCE! No parents, prob. Approx. $3,000.

I know price could be a big factor in where I should go (Hawaii) but I really really want to go to both places. I got into another mini-fight with my mom about going to Paris last night. There's a meeting tonight about itinerary and crap about Paris so I think I might go, even though I might end up going to Hawaii, which is also where my parents want to go too. Meh.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sun, 27 May 2007 13:14:57 GMT

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Artistic	\|\|	10%
Religious	\|\|	10%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Wealth	\|\|	10%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Peter pan complex	\|\|	10%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	64%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Vanity	\|\|	10%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Banana-Nut Oatmeal Cookies

Mon, 21 May 2007 23:21:04 GMT

Sometimes I get lazy and just want some fresh cookies. So here's my cheater's recipe for my banana-nut cookies. And no, I'm not ashamed of using cookie and brownie mixes. But I never use cake mixes.

Ingredients:
1 package Betty Crocker Oatmeal Cookie mix
1 banana, mashed
About 1 cup chopped walnuts

1. Follow the directions for the oatmeal cookies as instructed on the package.
2. Mix in the mashed banana and nuts.
3. Chill dough for at least 3 hours.
4. Bake at 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes.
5. Eat as soon as it's cooled down enough to eat but still warm, with milk.

Sweet 16?

Fri, 11 May 2007 00:26:25 GMT

Hm. Well. I'm turning 16 on the 20th. Yay for me. Not really. Like any other year, I have nothing to look forward to before my birthday. The only thing special this year is that I get to start practicing my driving. Let's all hope I can look over the dashboard.

My family is freaking out because I'm not having a Sweet Sixteen. Frankly, I don't see the significance of turning 16. So I'm a year older, if you're going to make a 16th birthday such a big deal, then you might as well do it for any other birthday. Heh. I'm being cynical, aren't I? To be quite honest, I've been to about 5-6 Sweet Sixteen celebrations in the last few years. That's just about enough for me until my nieces turn 16 (I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the kind of aunt that showers her nieces and nephews with gifts, I'm saving money to buy gifts for my 2 little nieces in the Philippines when I go over there this winter).

Back to the subject of my not having a Sweet Sixteen, I've been asking my parents if I can get a car for my 16th birthday for more than a year now. Of course, the money not spent on not having a Sweet Sixteen could be used for a car and, unlike a Sweet Sixteen, would function for more than one night. However, since my parents will be having a church wedding in the Philippines with the fancy ceremony and big reception and the whole shebang, I won't be getting a car just yet. Oh well. At least I'll be going back to the Philippines. It's great in the winter, and I love my cousins there. I know exactly what they're going to say when they see me again. "Oh my God! Robbie, you got so big! And Keten, you got so... big!"

For my 16th Birthday, all I want is a Famous Dave's dinner with my friends, a party at home with my family, and my permit of course.

PARC is this weekend, I've told my friend a week ago that I'm going with them. But I'm not really in the mood to go. I want to go to a doctor, get my allergies checked out, and maybe get that jacket I've been craving for. I hope Zara is still selling it.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Sun, 06 May 2007 05:54:47 GMT

Today I had some time to myself,
Some 10 minutes for my enjoyment.
So I laid back and stared at the sky,
Dreaming of being with you.

Oh how I wanted to be in the mountains,
Laying in the grass with you, like this.
Just spending some time with you, my love,
An eternity just for ourselves.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Thu, 03 May 2007 03:07:18 GMT

Wow. I haven't updated in like two months. I guess it's because nothing really significant has been happening lately. A few lows, not many highs, mostly just... normal I guess. I do my school work, I go to robotics, come back home, do homework, watch anime. There are only like 3-4 changes I guess.

1. I'm now going to be in the French Honors Society, as of my induction tomorrow.

2. I've been watching Nobuta wo Produce on crunchyroll.com. It's a very good show, even if it's not anime, it's just as good.

3. My mom is going to be taking a long "vacation" from her job soon. The UN's major branch in NY is moving but there's some places she can work for after 6 months for the UN again.

4. All of my Filipino food is gone, so I'm sad.

Nothing's really going to change when I get to the summer. I'm going to Rutgers Prep again for chem. I really love that school. Even though I don't know anyone there, it's a nice small school. Great to be at for the summer. Guess that's it.